How to Know a Person
The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
David Brooks
In How to Know a Person, David Brooks invites us into a conversation about what it means to truly engage with others and to be engaged by them. At its heart is this claim: in any healthy community, whether a school, a department, a leadership team or otherwise, the capacity to see someone and let them feel seen is foundational.
Drawing on personal reflections, conversations with people across disciplines, and research in neuroscience, psychology and the arts, Brooks offers a framework tailored for those of us leading or working in complex human environments. He introduces the distinction between “Illuminators”: people who enable others to flourish, and “Diminishers”: those whose interactions leave others feeling unseen.
For school staff, the value of this book lies is its push to shift our relational mindset. Brooks encourages us to ask questions such as: What am I seeing when I meet someone? What story might they be living that I’ve not yet acknowledged? What might it mean to invite someone into being seen rather than simply instructing them? The book offers a compelling prompt for staffrooms, leadership meetings and professional learning communities.
At times the pace slows as Brooks tackles heavy territory: suffering, identity, culture-wars, the moral ecosystem of attention. Yet for educational settings where trust and belonging matter, these sections invite courageous conversations.
Ultimately, this is an accessible and thoughtful exploration of human connection, very much suited for schools and organisations seeking to strengthen culture, belonging and relational depth. I’d recommend reading it with a colleague or a team, and then working through how the ideas might manifest in your context. The value will come not just from reading, but from asking: “How well are we seeing one another around here?”
